All through my life I proclaimed myself to be a VICTIM of bad luck.. society[making all the best clothes for skinny people]... Genetics.. Athletics... Social Atmospheres... and finally Financially.
I always thought that if God made me this way or that way or in the form that I often Dream I could be then I would live a lifestyle that ppl would envy and wish they had... Im talking Athletic skills of Lebron... the Genetics of a model.. Socially inept to handle anything... including getting any girl I wanted from the opposite sex... but because Im completely the opposite and most well pretty much everything I just mentioned went to my younger Brother Chris.. I felt as though I was given the short end of the stick and I was owed.... I mean I lived in a fantasy world for the longest... at least 10 years of my life, to which I had an alter ego who I looked forward to dreaming about every night because I wasnt appreciative of my life... especially because Im the one who molded it to become this way... Every thing that I am Now is because I made it this way... the good and the BAD...
This led to my depressions... why I dont know but I was depressed.. I mean if I was skinny I would be more attractive to my girlfriend or I could actually buy clothes in a store rather than order them on BIG AND TALL websites... or I could feel comfortable with my looks instead of thinking of myself as an Unattractive Leper.
These thoughts have plagued me for a very long time .... and Im not gonna say that I dont still think of these as facts nor do I consider myself far from these truths but through God I have learned to I guess fight them to the point where now the Alter Ego is what I am striving to become rather than NEVER WILL BE ....
So this revelation came to me while in Church listening to the Pastor talk about God's program and way of being the BIGGEST LOSER" ... it helped me out alot and Now I am a better person.... I dont consider myself to be a Victim anymore... but at times I feel like Jennifer Lopez in Enough.... Like Tina Turner in whats love got to do with it ... like Chris in The family that Preys... but the difference with me is that I can build up a wall and say Idongivaphuk" and be ok...
What led me to dealing with the possibility of becoming a Victim of something I know Im not was today when I listened to Kanye West song..."Everything Iam" that put it all into perspective for me.....
With that being said... The Moon is my best friend because only He knows How to bring this STARR out !!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment