" Pressing through your See Nothing Days "

Sooooo I got this Quote from Church ... it was the main topic that the Pastor spoke on today... He refers to everyday situations like working out or trying to make a change in your life and getting ready to give up because you dont see Progress.

I took it as a quote that I learned before " pushing through your comfort zone "
Throughout this time period I have been going through these up and down phases where I lose faith or hope in my sacrifices or decisions I have made because I didnt see the progress that was being made as well as not listening to the Critical words that I told myself and others " You are your OWN biggest Critic " At times I think to myself I wanna give up or is anything is going to come out of this process because I dont feel as tho' I'm changing...
What helps me to get by is simple inspiration ... Heroes, the want to be different and finding myself...
The best thing about this diet is the fact that it has changed my life. My 30-30-30 diet is helping me to learn how to eat better as well as get rid of all the fatty foods and Unhealthy foods that used to be in my everyday diet.... The only problem that I have to restrain from is eating before I go to an EVENT... bcus the food there can be tempting but I have to stay strong... Recently I failed with that experience but it has helped me for the future bcus right after I ate some of those foods that I didnt ear for months my stomach and chest felt funny ... one of those " I told ya dumb azz no to eat this " feelings.... it wasnt nothing crazy and it was moderate but it wasnt apart of my diet...
All in all my progress has been good not great but that will change especially on APRIL 1st... because thats the day when I go HARD.... im talking Rocky status when he trained against the RUSSIAN DUDE..... so I will update you on my progress and May 1st is the day that I have been waiting for .....

I Stopped being the VICTIM and became the Victor!

All through my life I proclaimed myself to be a VICTIM of bad luck.. society[making all the best clothes for skinny people]... Genetics.. Athletics... Social Atmospheres... and finally Financially.
I always thought that if God made me this way or that way or in the form that I often Dream I could be then I would live a lifestyle that ppl would envy and wish they had... Im talking Athletic skills of Lebron... the Genetics of a model.. Socially inept to handle anything... including getting any girl I wanted from the opposite sex... but because Im completely the opposite and most well pretty much everything I just mentioned went to my younger Brother Chris.. I felt as though I was given the short end of the stick and I was owed.... I mean I lived in a fantasy world for the longest... at least 10 years of my life, to which I had an alter ego who I looked forward to dreaming about every night because I wasnt appreciative of my life... especially because Im the one who molded it to become this way... Every thing that I am Now is because I made it this way... the good and the BAD...
This led to my depressions... why I dont know but I was depressed.. I mean if I was skinny I would be more attractive to my girlfriend or I could actually buy clothes in a store rather than order them on BIG AND TALL websites... or I could feel comfortable with my looks instead of thinking of myself as an Unattractive Leper.
These thoughts have plagued me for a very long time .... and Im not gonna say that I dont still think of these as facts nor do I consider myself far from these truths but through God I have learned to I guess fight them to the point where now the Alter Ego is what I am striving to become rather than NEVER WILL BE ....

So this revelation came to me while in Church listening to the Pastor talk about God's program and way of being the BIGGEST LOSER" ... it helped me out alot and Now I am a better person.... I dont consider myself to be a Victim anymore... but at times I feel like Jennifer Lopez in Enough.... Like Tina Turner in whats love got to do with it ... like Chris in The family that Preys... but the difference with me is that I can build up a wall and say Idongivaphuk" and be ok...

What led me to dealing with the possibility of becoming a Victim of something I know Im not was today when I listened to Kanye West song..."Everything Iam" that put it all into perspective for me.....
With that being said... The Moon is my best friend because only He knows How to bring this STARR out !!!

The Temptation to Cheat....

Its been rough these past couple weeks when it comes to staying on track and making sure that I follow this regiment to the fullest... especially because I feel as tho' something great is gonna come from this... My eating habits have changed alot and its easier for me to pace myself and eat the correct foods NOW that I have learned the right way to eat and how to eat... and Portions to which I thought was gonna kill me... My meals are great.. especially the greatest invention ever... the veggies in a bag aka Steamers....but!!! the temptation lies or comes into play when I get self doubt or when something happens that puts me in a mood known as the " Idongivaphuk " I mean I feel as if I shouldnt be places [ work ] ... and dont wanna deal with anyone including everyone especially my GF.
The arguments and the Bullshat that I go through in my personal life as well as the Ignorant people I deal with at work.. and Im not talking patients Im talking my staff these Nurses[ Grey ] and Doctors... all of this pushes me towards the edge of Idongivaphuk ville... and all the temptations of this place including GIVING UP on my Ultimate goal... I mean I used to be like as soon as I get paid Ima get Pizza, a Jims cheese steak, some WAWA roast beef, and Ching... and everyone knows that they my people... but Nowadays even when I can get all of these things that used to suppress my pain and anger and feelings I think about the bigger picture ... and thats me being an even bigger FAT AZZ... and thats what I cant live with because a day may come where Im single and I need to be the best I can be to deal with being alone... bcus thats my 1 fear in life... being alone with someone to depend on in more ways than 1...
The one positive thing that helps me get by each day is Music... as cliche as that may sound It really relates to me on more ways than the average person
If I feel shaky with my relationship I listen to Bobby V.-I might not be... If Im in the mood to spoil my GF. I'll sing B.O.B.-Nothing on You .. If I wanna get hype or be in the Mood.. Blaqstarr and K swift... and If I need to get SPLASHY[ ps this term is copyrighted ] I listen to anything Drake has to say.... But on those days when I feel like giving up and quitting and cheating with Temptation I listen to Chris Brown.- I'll go... and Kid Cudi.- Soundtrack to my Life...
These may help you if u need a picker upper but besides that we should all be on the PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS I know I am ... so the Temptation didnt beat me or get the upper hand but it hit me hard.... Thank God ...literally for a strong will and His graces... besides that You know what time it is...

Hey Moon thanks for shining so brightly when I leave Whitney... U bring this Starr out like Pac-man did the celebs tonight

Trials and Tribulations.... of a Starr

So that Sunday when I started this New Diet and ultimately a NEW way of life I didnt know that it was gonna be that difficult.... At first Im thinking to myself " If I give up all my fetishes as far as foods[chinese,fried,take-out] then I would be able to drop the weight that I want and meet my goal May 1st... well Im not gonna say that I have given up ... because I am gonna go as hard as possible to reach that GOAL... call me Rhinaldino ... its just hard to think about what I have to actually do and the things that I am sacrificing hopefully helps me to become a better person and maintain this lifestyle....
I have given up on all CaRBS until the first of May..... and that may seem easy but its not... Im talking no pasta ... spaghetti.... rice... bread... NOTHING... the difficult part comes in when I want a sandwich or some whole wheat pasta to go with my protein and veggies... but this is what I have to do for sooooo many years of being a FAT AZZ.
The whole Meat and Veggies thing has its ups and downs... I mean I cook all my food in portions and its delicious and I could never fathom the thought of not having a STARCH with my food but its not difficult.... The best food that I have had was this fillet of Salmon that I made with Asian Medley veggies... talk about being a Fat AZZ... it was a small portion but it was so fulfilling that I was full.... I also thought that gettin back on to this 30-30-30 diet would be hard to transition to but its working out well... Sooo I guess the trials and tribulations that are currently in my life come from issues that dont deal with my weight... STUDENT LOANS... BILLS... AND MY DAMN CAR... all of these issues have led me to questioning myself to figure out if the path that I chose was worth it... I mean I could be making $$$$$ right now if I didnt go to College... the only bad part is I would've never met TAY... THE FAB 5... and other ppl that I consider to be close to me... In my old days before I found God again.. and before I made my secret Covenant[ka-na-vent] with myself I would let this drive me into depression... im talking eating my problems away along with mood swings and ISOLATION....
But as My God helps me to see.... Theres no Gain without Pain... I will be ok...
Ps Going back to my home ... on the Planet of Fitness.. is relaxing and worthwhile... I feel stronger every time I go and its showing results faster than before... I mean instead of Gatorade or Water or even Powerade.. I had a V8 ...

As the Nights come later and the weather feels better the one Apparatus that can Bring me out better than Michael Buffer at a Pacquiao vs. Mayweather fight is my Right hand man the MOON...

Fighting for a Cause....

As stated before and throughout my Blogs... my inspiration to become a Healthier person and the way I envision myself and feel as tho' Im capable of becoming is from Certain Movies... Songs...Celebs and My gf... well it shouldnt be surprising that my Latest Inspiration to become better at Basketball has come from the Best Player in the Nba...His swagg and His demeanor is Out of this World.... and believe it or not I used to have that... the whole handshake thing... Me along with 2 members of the Fab 5 made up our Patent Handshake in 2005... and everytime we are around each other we do it ... Unconsciously... but Im not saying Im upset Im just saying that his swagg and demeanor and character was a reflection of mine when I was at the top of My life.... Now I have hit ROCK BOTTOM.... Credit...Student Loans... Life... Weight Issues... Depression[well not anymore... but knock on wood]along with being in a very difficult relationship at times... has brought me to this point in my life... Being my own therapist and getting reactions from those of you who actually read this blog .
My most recent random action of Inspiration [RAI] has come from my gf expressing her true feelings about me and how she feels about me Physically..
I expected the answers I got and at first wanted to get upset and re-act but realized that I knew the TRUTH from day 1.... so this didnt come as a Surprise to me. I guess I took that as a [RAI] because I realized that nothing and I mean Nothing is certain in life... I was told that you can " BE IN LOVE" with someone but not "LOVE" that person... and because of that I need to get myself back to the Top so that if things go sour to which I hope and pray they dont.... I can be at a point in my life where Im not judged by Shallow Ppl and I wont be writing every other day on this blog.... [ps the more positive side of FAABSTARR is www.faabstarrsneakahead.blogspot.com]
Well the Fight begins.... I have started a new diet as of 3/07/10...
I no longer eat
Bread- all breads including wheat but excluding multi grain
Pasta all of kinds
Rice- excluding Brown Rice but thats only once a week...
Candy- ALL
SODA- except Diet
Juices- except Cranberry and Diet
I will be on a Protein[FISH,CHICKEN,TURKEY]and Veggie diet Until May 1st
Wish me Luck... matter fact dont wish me luck.. tell me I wont do it so that I can exceed all expectations...

Dear Moon although its Winter and I haven't seen you in a while... kinda like I moved to a Planet with 3 suns... but no matter what YOU BRING ME OUT... Like Drake at a Young Money Concert... thanks