Diary.... aka An Alien stranded on another Planet...

Rather lose love than to move on Never knowing what it feel like
Short days, long nights By the phone, no call
Need a clear mind 'cause I been blind Got me goin' down that road
Heart made of stone Far away from home

lost on a Planet[ definition of Planet- a state of emotion for those who consider themselves to be aliens] where no one understands me or could understand my pain... a place where the problems or questions asked are answered by me... but when it comes to answering my own questions im lost... like the city of Atlantis... like ships and airplanes that travel through the Bermuda triangle... i mean there are theories/answers to the problems i go through as there are for these mysterious vanishings but non are concrete nor offer a TRUTH... .
I blog about my personal life with a shield around it because if i let you into my life whole heart-ly then you would experience my depressions and in turn be need more help than ever....
i havent blogged in a while because i was actually not feeling desolate and feeling good about myself.. .i mean im losing weight... alot of ppl who i truly love graduated from college... i live in a beautiful condo... and for the most part of the month i thought that " sacred path " was going in a positive direction.... but thats not the case...
the best way to explain my feelings are through outlets that keep me sane and help this facade stay intact MUSIC.... and basketball but bcus of this weather and my ongoing issue that compels me...[ i have the tendency to stop going as hard or i temporarily give up on my goals when i see progress or feel as tho' something good is finally occurring ] i havent gone to the courts to work on my game and defuse bcus of being lazy... plain and simple.....
right now Diary by Wale feat. the babe from Floetry is a memoir to my life.... in the song Wale is talking to a female... in this Aliens life... im talking to myself but not just myself.. .my Soul.. .the inner person in me that knows i deserve the best but settles for whatever... its bad when you would rather look forward to going to sleep and dreaming about ya inner being/created better self bcus of the life and endless possibilities it has.... well thats me everyday.. .things i wish i couldve done or had the chance to do... i actually do... but in my dreams... and dreams only... i love my life but the life i imagine and dream .. the life where these problems i face and issues that arise are answered with smirks and devious smiles.... but then i wake up and look in the mirror and face reality.... another song that plays in the background in the movie of my life ... is Drake Fall for your type.... its a very short and simple group of words that say so much... and once again not a particular female but to myself...
its hard to deal with sometimes and venting via blogspot is helpful along with music and bball but thats not always the case.... going to the PlanetOfFitness helps alot but these temp satisfactions only induce my pain and suffering ....
to help you understand better i feel like Jennifer Connelly as Janine Gaunders as well as Kevin Connolly also known as Connor Barry in " He's just not that into you! "... if u havent seen that movie then you wouldnt understand.. if u have then their roles are reciprocated in my life... rough times.... but as usual i will get through it....
On a brighter note... Pretty gyrls remix.. .with Cbreezy, fabo, and WALE... is the SHTI... and they all go in.....
This world isnt for me... honestly but until i go through my complete metamorphosis change im a prisoner trapped in a world of drones....
My bestfriend is the Moon.... my role model is a celebrity.... and my so-called brother is a NBA superstar who may have just tanked.. and the image i portray is sometimes confused with the make believe person i wish I was.... but guess what my bestfriend helps me to SHINE everynight... .right before i become a translucent depiction of a DREAM....
first memoir of my DIARY......

AUT VIAM INVENIAM AUT FACIAM'

tHe title says alot as well as means alot to me.... i mean sooo much has occurred in my life.... anything and everything from work to looking for a new job.. .to beating this depression to music.. to my relationship to me losing weight... to getting my life back on track and finally realizing that I shouldnt settle for just anything... my expectations for everything I aspire for should be as high as my Personification of myself... A STARR....
with that being said.... i find myself losing the faith and giving up on my immediate goals. and aspirations due to something or SOMEONE!!! and it really shouldnt be like that... I mean i think that im a great person and i have alot to offer... with that being said [ i re-iterate everything.... alot ] i thought that i let myself go and slowly placed myself into a pool of quicksand but ive come to realize that i actually have been doing good for myself and stuff is working out in my favor.... i need to pray more and ask for forgiveness from the lord.. and repent... but because of my promise to become a better follower and servant he has blessed me and i realized that if i actually put all my techniques and ninja skills [ lmao ] together i can really make some progression.... and i think its about that time to actually try and put these skills together.... i mean im losing weight because of my dedication to being a Martian.... BUT IT COULD BE BETTER.. if i get back on my strict and i mean STRICT diet then that would boost me to the forefronts like Speed RACER.... and if these things come together then my level of splASH will grow..... alot of opportunities have come my way and i am grateful for these things...
I know that God along with my Holy spirit helps me to get through all the rough times in my life... and i will be fine.... just need a really good kick in the ass....
Finally i realized the truth about this thing called life and that sometimes having someone to see all the wonderful and beautiful things in the world together is COMPLETE BLISS... im talking what ppl dream of... but truthfully how can one find true happy-ness and experience the finer things in life if they never found themselves.... i once heard someone say are u living or existing???? im existing .... going through life doing and caring for everyone else... and this starr has lost his glow... WELL lets just say that " Im in the pursuit of Happy-ness and I know... everything that shines aint always gonna be GOLD... yeah... accept for this STARR...... damn living or existing.... I ve died and was reborn again.... Sorry Gary Baker... you will be missed... WELCOME Gary F. Baker aka Either I will find a way or Make one ... himself....
Really didnt know how much you meant to me until that one night when u were full and at your brightest and you shined upon me and helped me to get my GLOW back.... thanks Moon for bringing this STARR out of the ashes of obscurity

Legs like a Prize fighting Bull named Ferdinan

Success can only start through ONE entity!!! Not Money Power Fear or Respect but God...

What can I say.... I once again let myself go and gave in to all the temptations, i mean i just can find the need or the want to keep going on... I mean I have eaten foods that arent good for me[ thankfully they make me feel sick so thats a good sign ]... stopped the 30x3 diet temporarily ... and temporarily diverted to my old self where I felt bad for myself and would slip in and out of a depression.... I wish i had a quick fix that could solve my problems so that I could live my life the way it was intended through God to be lived....
I wish I had a second chance at making the best out of all my decisions... although it has made me a stronger person and wiser person this learning experience could have been avoided....
Luckily for me I still go to the gym and go hard ... I am as strong as an OX on steroids and my body is starting to do things that I couldnt do before... My basketball skills are starting to come back the way they were in 10th grade... and my clothes fit me better.... Now all I have to do is devote myself to staying on the right path and I will be straight.... This sunday I will definately go to church... and through God make this Realistic covenant....
Hey Moon???? I need you and hope that you can help me shine the way I need to ....

A new more CONCRETE Covenant "through" GOD!

i came to the realization that i can do alot of things by myself/on my own but if God isnt involved completely, then begging him for help and wondering when its gonna pay off is irrelevant. with that being said the " covenant " that i was on i stayed strong with and realized alot of things including peoples perception of me and what they think of me and how strong willed i can be in regards to making sacrifices and sticking to them, but i failed bcus of a few reasons.... temptation at the end of the covenant, and the lack of guidance.... i made this covenant on my own to prove ppl wrong and to myself to show that i am capable of doing things that ppl thought i couldnt... but the whole time i asked and begged and looked to God for help but until recently realized that i didnt start off the correct way... on my own i did good..... "but good is not enough" with God and through the correct outlets [ prayer, church, asking for help, and a commitment ] i couldve did great...
so now the old covenant that i did so good on... is null and void... but this new COVENANT made out of concrete and God's supervision will be GREAT.... and i will actually surpass my goals...
this new covenant will be made Sunday April 11th at Church whether outside of Hup or inside [ hopefully and i strongly want it to be outside ] and it will be made through God and with his supervision....

My goal.
Lose ___ lbs. so that I can be at the weight of 3__ by July 11th... this goal may seem astronomical or un-reachable but honestly all i can do is my part physically and not be a PhAT AZZ and leave the Spiritual stuff up to the man upstairs.... I know one thing... im really gonna try and reach this goal... before i go for my selective surgery.... [ hearing ya girlfriend.. the woman you want to spend the rest of ya life with... talk about other mens bodies....[ although celebrities but thats not the point] can hurt a man especially when it has been verbally said that she wishes that her boyfriend had a better body]... and not only do i want to do it for my relationship but for MYSELF the most... i want to be able to shop at H&m and buy True Religion jeans... { i know rediculous aspirations} but they mean alot to me bcus its something that i want...
So Hopefully everything will fall into place and work out for me... Sunday will be the beginning of the Re-construction of Gary Baker.... Mind body and soul....
Hey Moon, where you been????? the sun is trying to take all your shine... luckily for me Im a candle ...and I only can glow when your out....

Progression So far...

My leg workout so far has done wonders....

Finding the Strength to go on.... when you're in a Constant Sht@-hole of Problems...

So Ive been going hard for a while getting myself together and making sure that I put myself and health in the winning lane for this selective surgery that I will be getting this summer. Inspiration has not only come from negativity from people at work or friends about why I'm making personal sacrifices and going through with it for so long [ May 1st ] and I have also received some from my yungin' who has become an Alien... Ricky Fontaine... he goes hard everyday he's there and he's like a sponge and just wants to enhance himself to become a better person and has asked me to guide him to his GOAL... and for him to look to me for help has made me realize alot about myself....
At first I was all about a once in a while treat to myself... but as of recently when it seemed as tho' all things were going down hill for me ... like a tank going down a mountain covered in snow... and with that I have been eating foods that i told myself I wouldn't eat anymore... well I have... and for the last 4 days my calorie intake was probably well more than likely below 1200 for the entire day but its just the fact that I slowed down on the meat and veggies.... well through GOD and prayer this Sunday... the 4th of April I will be back in full effect and ready to continue my path of losing weight and getting myself ready for this summer.... As the days get warmer... and the sun stays out longer I look forward to seeing my buddy the MOON more and more... it's been a while so once we meet up again... Bring me out Like DJ E-Star at a Ruckers game...